On my headphones John Lennon sings 'Give Peace a change' , that tape, together with the Dutch tape of Doe Maar (Virus for Dutch people) I put mostly on when I am typing the messages in, to be not disturbed by all the noise around me. It is a little absurd to listen to take music when you are typing in war stories. 'Let's stop all the fight'. But all in this war is absurd.

In 3 daily Croatian newspapers GreenNet is mentioned as major source about the killing in Bijalina, I told the SDA centre in Sarajevo that we had put it on the net and they told to the reporters, among them BBC, who reported about it today, mentioning GreenNet as source. For the people in Sarajevo these things are very important, they want to have their stories out, the world should know about it. It is not the numbers, if from the story of Bijalina only the half is true it is already enough to throw up. Just some hours okay IA London contacted us to get more information, but we don't much more, I am just porting the news from Sarajevo and other places in the hope somewhere somebody starts to read it and get the point that what here is going on has more then enough similarities with WW2 to take it serious.

We got today also a fax from an American Peace Group, which call upon their government to help. There are about 75 US citizens in Sarajevo and they have to get out in one piece, the US government should act. The ambassador from the US has already said that he is going to Sarajevo. What to think about the 500.000 inhabitants of Sarajevo.

The last news is that a high delegation (Cyrus Vance) of the UN landed in Sarajevo by helicopter to help in the peace process. Since days, the sixth fleet is in the Adriatic Sea. Let us pray that they are not putting in their heavy artillery.

The darkest people around me say that this probably could lead to a situation that Serbia will as an act of last hopeless aggression to bomb Zagreb really. Up to now, the city is nearly undamaged. I have ask if somebody could explain to me were the shelters are and what alarms means what, since that information, you see it everywhere is in Croatian. If the things will get to the worst, I have to find some extra telephone cable to continue in the basement. However, I do not believe in it, nobody can be that crazy.

Again I am alone at ARK, all Croatian went home to sleep, the war in BiH keep us awake, lot's of them have family in Sarajevo or surrounding. Today somebody from Italy came by he wanted to go to Mostar, we have explained him that the town probably is gone.

Once an a while I start to notice that I can work as a machine, not realizing what I have been translating (friends explain me word for word what is written in Croatian and I try to put it in words, I am not English speaking so there for still make a lot of mistakes, hope you don't mind).

The stories I translated today from the environmental destruction scared the hell out of me, Napalm, bombing cascades without any reason, if that violence is putted against nature, what can they do towards human being. Total ridiculous and I hope it is not true. Furthermore I ported the story to WWF in the hope they are going to survey that regions. I stupid Dutch guy with a modem and a computer cannot do much, even with your help on the net it will work.

Thank Milieukontakt for the fax/modems, which Alex Jurus from Bonn will bring next week. It would be nice if somebody could also send some money to Bonn, since I am a little afraid that at the end of the month I cannot pay the telephone bill.

Support from GN I can't thank you enough for your help, and also the message from PeaceNet and EcoNet that they have putted it in their login banner gives me hope that we as e-mail community are not totally hopeless and useless in this madness. I hope that I can relay furthermore on your help and the help from others.

Also thanks to the people who have send good ideas from were to get material, but please we have only 1 outgoing telephone line (outside Croatia) and a lot to do here, we just write it down, but the best help is when you get active yourself and organise something.

By the way, if somebody can help me with some money, please put it on my giro account in the Netherlands (624350 at. Wam Kat, Sitard, Netherlands, bank: post giro Den Haag). Alternatively, send it to the ARK bank number in Germany.

Aida went this morning to Praha to meet with other woman from the East to establish a kind of Eastern International women group; I must say the place is a little empty without her. The others work like hell to get ARKzin this month ready. We will translate the most important articles in English (good or bad, you will get the point) and put it on GreenNet.

They only think what I had in mind when I came here was giving this war a face, a voice of somebody, which was familiar for you and I think I slowly starts to reach out around the nets. In a couple off days, I hope that I can disappear again, but in the main time, I will try my utmost best to get the messages on the net.

These stories are further not so important; I need to write something for myself to get the stress out, like a singer write a song. You are just my victims.

'All we are saying is give peace a change' he is back again. I have to start working since the faxes from Sarajevo start to get in. Stories about general Kukanjca and Cyrusa Vance.

If you out there can find a translator and distributor for the book about the Environmental Destruction in Croatia you make the week for the people in Green Action.

Maybe somebody can send some good walkman batteries to the Bonner European Institute for Environmental Question, so Alex can bring them with them, these Croatian batteries only work for two hours and I forgot to bring a charger with me.

Love and Peace from Zagreb

Wam:-)

Sleep well and hopefully...

'It is up to you, yeah you!!!!!!’

Wam on Ark Zagreb

Diary 14 and 15 April

Dear Neeven and others,

Your messages from yesterday made more loose here in Zagreb then you probably could imagine. First of all Aida and I stayed up all night to find a way to get in contact with Beograd via all possible ways. Working through the night is however not so strange here, for me it was the second night in a row, since the night before I stay up to follow the news from Sarajevo if that bloody fool would blow up that Aluminium plant and the hydro central or not, lucky enough he cam till his senses. You probably normally notice in Zagreb, but out there it there is still a war going on. Soldiers are fighting and people are slaughtered. In Sarajevo, Mostar, etc. people cannot sleep either and when the fights get worst, the faxes are coming in. Really cries for help, desperate people looking for contact with the outside world. I hope that you understand that we cannot always just act as a normal 9 till 5 action group.

But the phone lines are gone, the last connection, via Sarajevo, is now also cut of, strange to imagine year ago you could easily travel to Beograd from here without problems and now it look like to world stops at the frontline. Anyway, back to the reaction, it made me angry, it made me crying, it made me feeling hopeless. I can say I do not give a thing about the Moslems and I do not give a thing about media wars, but it still not fits in the reality here. Just before I read your messages I was at the Moslems place here in Zagreb, so the refugees and was controlled for arms, they had a Molotov on there place just some days ago.

The first reaction is he has easy talking there in Sweden, the second is how can I explain to him what I am feeling, being no part in this question, and who don't want to judge who is right and who is wrong. My reaction was rather mild yesterday, but due to my questions, the discussions started to roll, why is the relation between the Croat and Serbian peace movement so bad. The first reaction was of course, but here in Zagreb they had also a modem standing around since nobody was there to handle it, that is probably the case in Beograd as well. In Sarajevo I found now a guy with is willing to help the International Peace Centre and SDA, by the way, I am trying to get the numbers of London and my password through to them.

The second thing is money, it is expensive to phone to London, but the local Fido networks are not reaching out to GN. I check most of the working BBS systems here in Zagreb, Sisak (war zone, nearly destroyed), Osijek and
Ljubljana if the conference there had anything in common with the news on GN, I can tell you that is not the case. Most BBS systems even in Osijek (were the bombs all like rain) the BBS looks a lot like the BBS systems at home, lots of games and even those sex gif files.

Except maybe for three conferences, which are ported among all BBS system in Adrianet, help.craotia, help.serbia and help.slovenia, some with help.bosnia. We can be glad that those materials, besides so interesting discussions do not end up on GN. Besides the media war there is an e-mail war going on on those boards, and indeed very one sided. Be glad that the initiative to post that all via Ljubljana did not work so well, when I should translate the hate on those boards and put it on GN you would cry. The reactions go from serious peace plan up to an atmosphere as if no Serb is better than a dead Serb. In addition, about everything in between, I just could not believe that there were so many shits on the boards.

Via my office in the Netherlands I have send at last a fax to Beograd, asking if I would come over and help them like I help here. The train cost and so I will organize somehow, I trust the world enough. I do not know if they have received it yet, I am still waiting for an answer.

I think also that it is of the utmost importance that contacts, possible direct should be established. The situation in Beograd is however a lot different; here in Zagreb the public is still not forgetting the attacks and the air raids. Were I try to translate the stories together with somebody we have to work hard to find out who is who, Chetniks, hos, jna, defenders, local militicia, etc. You may think that is not important, killers are killers, but it is important to know how different groups are called and how the behave or misbehave.

For most people however, Serbs are Chetniks and JNA is just a big supporter of the Chetniks. I think that we have to make a more colour picture in this stupid black and white picture. I am a pacifist, without dogmas obviously, since I can understand why people make the decision to fight and not to desert. Nevertheless, that opinion I had already before I came here. I must not blame it on the soldiers.

The reason that I stay of GN today was double, first I was tired and simply had to sleep. You can oversleep a day, the war will go on for a while. Secondly, I felt a little guilty about my angry reaction from last night. However, feelings are strong here. Not only from not enough sleep, also from the absolute daily reality that the war is going on. It is not right that I loose my temper. I have to stay calm, otherwise I going to make mistakes. I had also the promise to make an application for two groups to help them with fundraising at the Soros foundation and that was 2
days behind schedule. Due to my reputation of fundraiser for EYFA I have daily a stream of people coming asking me how to get money. I do not know, I cannot promise anything, I can at least help them in the hope it works. Such things keep me away from the war and let me concentrate on another point for what I came here to do, namely to start building up the contacts between groups here and the west. In the hope to raise money for the rebuilding.

The third reason was rather simple even if I wanted I could not not enough machines and the monthly ARKzin has to be produced.

After the discussion, we concluded that I would devote a big part of my time to reach out to Beograd and get them on the net. The best thing would be however if we could find a western volunteer who like to work in Beograd. Somehow, the normal work is full enough for most of the people and Email is just extra. Thanks to the messages, I am getting people start to believe that what I am secretly doing with that machine has some sense; they really start to feel that email is useful. Especially the message from Paxus that CNN had indeed confirmed the killing in Obijna, however this message made many people unhappy, we hoped that it was not true, we more or less prayed that it was not through and that somebody was playing a trick on us.

Thanks also Paxus for your messages on Vis, yes, we have a strong hope to go to Vis together this summer, everybody need a break here, except me, since I am just coming. I checked the amount of conference on peace in GN and was surprised, never stroked my mind before, nearly 200 as I recall. I would like to put a pointer in all of them, saying that they have to follow this conference as well, but that would take to much time, and on-line time is not cheap. The reason that I did that was to see if any richer peace organization is using the nets frequently, because maybe I could convince them that we have here the best change to make real use from e-mail. And maybe they were willing to put money into this peace project, enough money and material for all the different peace groups on both sides of the fighting to stay in regular, say hourly contact which each other, plus a volunteer to help them. In practice that would mean Zagreb, Beograd (Sarajevo, impossible, since it is sealed off), Osijek if somebody dare to go there, (I am willing if somebody else helps Zagreb), Ljubljana (only money, rest is organized) and maybe already to Montenegro, and Macedonia, since it seems it is just a couple of days before the fighting starts there.

It looks that the Blue Helmets will not move in before end of May, but even afterwards, phone and other connection will stay bad for a while, I do not believe that before next autumn the thing is more or less in a situation of
starting to build up the normal connections again or longer. I lost just like everybody the hope that f.e. in BiH they will end soon. I typed that spark of hope in the other day and for a moment I hoped that I was real, it where fact, but they have said it before.

You, Neeven could never work here in Zagreb, or you had to be strong, since your name is Serbian and Serbs have a rough time here in Zagreb, the most are gone, but those who stayed are having real problems. We need more or less neutral people, I can say I do not give a thing about Croatia and nobody here at would be angry. It was the first thing what I say when I came I am not planned to make any differences because of races. If Croats activist do not like Serbs activist or vice versa it is their problem, for the time being I am not going to discus that with them. I only can hope it is personal and not because they other has another race.

I have no prejudices against Serbs, as said I live there a while., ten years ago, but nevertheless I know worst big cities, it is for sure better to stay in Beograd then in a working town like Zagreb (but I still like the country side better).

Another cooperation could be the demilitarization together of Vis, there is still JNA army and Beograd AntiWar campaign can help to convince their government to go for this Peace Island and leave the place. If they leave the Island because of a peace initiative, it would for sure make the international news. Or thousand other things which could be undertaken, if there only was something like a normal connection.

It is a long one this time, and I need to sleep, please think about this plan and when anybody likes to react do it quick, the war will not go on forever we hope, but peace through the blue helmets would not the end off the tensions.

Love and peace from Zagreb

wam:-)

p.s. all this time I am thinking should I stay or should I go.....

13 April

The day begun with typing some latest news from SDA from Sarajevo, I begin a little to understand what he wants to say when a sentence is making no sense to me and try to add where possible some diversity in the name of the attackers, in his faxes is mostly Chetniks (but some asking around always makes clear that this particular group is not Chetniks, but an other Serbian extremist group, there seems to be hundreds of them). I even try to laugh about the black humour of the guy, today it was relative quiet, only three bombs on... Nevertheless, the humour from Osijek is often even blacker, nothing special happens today, only 100 bombs on the centre, you cannot destroy it anymore anyway.

The front is 24 kilometres from here, I realised that today I thought it was much more, over hundred or so, hope that my mother do not worries when she looks on the latest maps. The front in this case are the Croatian army, with soldiers who had only 10 days practice and the organized Chetniks rebels, with the Yugoslavian army just behind it. They are lying on both sides of a river and seem to wait until the Bleu Berets will come (which are sitting their in their barracks and getting according the rumours 300 mark a day (twice a monthly income)).

When we heard that again arms transport were stopped at the Austrian-Slovenian border we were thinking if it wasn't a bad idea to ask groups in the west to find out from which factories those arms are coming, who are the ones who are making money in this war. We hardly know were they are going to, so it is next to impossible and a waste of time to find out were they are coming from. Not that a list of names of factories would help us a lot, but more the hope that such a list give activists in the West some objects to demonstrate against.

Make know whom the bastards are who keeping on sending those murder machines down here. This material comes from close by, as said I have seen about all the guns which are produced around the world and in the number they are use here some riffle and gunpowder companies in Europe are making big money. Not on this war only, by the way, for me it is some hard to remember myself that this is happening on many more places. The newspapers and television do not give so much news, and international papers are not available since there is no tourist. The hotels are full, but with refugees and so far, I have seen only two typical Japanese tourists and a lot off expensive German Mercedes in front of the most expensive hotel in town. I have nothing against fat Mercedes (or rather I have a lot against them), but above all I really would like to know who are driving them and what are they doing here. The contrast with the other cars here is so big.

The sandbags are starting to blossom, I see more and more out of which small little plants are growing. Therefore, spring is really in the air.

Love and Peace from Zagreb

Wam:-)

Zagreb 12 April

My friends here will say that I mix up the days some times, if they read my stories but besides these small chronological mistakes, everything is the reality. Besides remembering the days of the week, I really have no idea which date it is, but that is that is absolute normal for me. It happens also normally.

What do you do in Zagreb, when you think or talk about the war, besides sleeping, telling funny stories, making people laughing, trying to act normal? I have chosen a little bit to establish a job for myself in this wild bunch of overworked activists, each of them near to a breakdown. None of them really choose to do what ever they are doing, but each has found so its place in the madness of ARK. I of course forget in no time the names, but there image are scarped in my mind, so are there stories. But Vesna, Vesna (those two are simple to remember, even when they are totally different), Zoran (who can forget him, he is the rock in the place in all the sences of the word), Edin (24 hours waiting for news from Sarajevo and when it arrives he keeps on sending it by fax to all newsrelation we have in the book), Milena (who flat I more or less took over, tired since I came here, but today suddenly full of energy), Aida (the girl, which is more the consciousness of the group) and as other rock the countinglady (sorry forgot her name for the moment, who tries keep the books a little bit in order) Plus dozens of other people, who drop in and from which a slowly get a little notice what they are doing. In the beginning, it was not clear for me that the ARK office was share with many other groups, from which some have next to nothing to do with activities of the AntiWar Campaign. If it becomes a little bit to crowded I go to Green Action and help my friends a bit by standing in the way and talking with Toni about his windmills plans. However, there it is also often crowded, the room is rather small and lots of people pass by, also for me to discuses ways how the get money or otherwise establish there plans for after the war or even already now.

Somehow, I have the feeling that I am useful here in some ways, even when it is only to put a smile on people face and help them to think about dreams, which can come if this war is over. Never was in a country were so many people have so many ideas.

I feel at home here for the moment, even when my work is basically putting news on the electronic networks in the hope that somebody somewhere reads it do something with it. However, you need steel nerves to keep on smiling when one modem after another seems to be impossible to work with under these conditions and for every message, you have to
phone London 5 times before you have a connection without dust on the line or just suddenly get disconnected. I try to keep the moral high by saying it is going into the world, knowing that I am fooling myself. Everybody out there is bloody hard working on his or her own important tasks; it took me also 6 months before I went down.

When I am working at night typing in the "english" faxes from Sarajevo into the computer 560 or less kb, 1 disk drive Amstrad computer, which is from Milena, I need to go first to Green Action to play it from the 5'2 disks to a 3'5 disk on my own computer, which I brought with me (a fully equipped communication machine with fax/modem and a4 scanner, both useless because the modem gave up the third day and the scanner can't read faxes which are so badly send (war conditions)), then I have to go to ARK (2 km walk), to wait for half an hour until the only machine (a Mac) is free and work my way through to greennet.

In Dutch, we have a saying do you know how a cow catch a rabbit? However, when it does not help when can at least say that we tried it. Help from outside are for sure the little notes which came so far via GreenNet from my friends, I thank you all, and have tried to answer you in my spare time on Sunday afternoon. I have made a poster on the wall where I put them up and the really good once I try to send through to Sarajevo, but the printer on ARK only functions half, so to get them printed out I have to go the Green Action office, my printer can't work together with the Mac on Ark otherwise the solution was easy. Furthermore, when I am ARK other from Green Action uses my machine to put their ideas on paper.

Whenever somebody from were in world comes to this place in the coming weeks or months I beg him or her to bring a good laptop with him or her and a working strong and fast fax/modem, I will do my utmost best to get it paid as soon as possible but until the end of this war I promise nothing. Further on a good laser printer would be handy, matrix printers are fine, but far to slow, we need fast and good quality (most people are too tense to wait too long for there printing work, but can you blame them under this pressure of war).

11 April

I think the search for War signs is over!!!

Today I got the final trill, or what ever I was looking for, to make the group here at the ARK (antiratne kampagje (antiwar campaign)) a little closer with each other I organised a diner for everybody. I cook a nice vegetarian meal (food is more expensive here than back home) and Melena bought some drinks.

Of course, the local grass was passed around and sudden this guy started to ask me what I thought from the Sandinista fighting for their country, a test for a western peace activist. This guy was at the front in the first line, 300 meter away from the Chetnik rebels, near the Bosnia and Herzegovina, Croatian and Serbian border. His job is to clear minefields, what he said was so clear and so simple.

'As long as Dutch tell jokes about Belgium’s and send German in the wrong direction when they ask the way, why should we be able to judge about the fighting in Croatia and in the rest of former Yugoslavia. But as soon as the war is over we will go to Amsterdam and have a joint together.'

This were not the precise words, but it went straight to my heart and I was trembling like hell, I ended up in his arms and both were crying, he sitting there, going back to the front, I with all my dream and hopes to stop this crazy war.

And I thought I had seen it all.

wam

10 April

This day went passed with typing in the latest news from Sarajevo and wondering how I was able to do this, typing the stupid numbers into this stupid computer, I could remove dead by using the backspace. I could put higher numbers, but what would be the sense of it.

The HOS militia held there announce 10 of April remembering day, in 1941 the NAZI created the state Croatia and the HOS militia held a nice party in their building, a few thousand people came and listened to their stories. To stop the use of the amplifier the Town Council put the whole block out of electricity and our office is in that same block, so for 3 hours we could not do anything. We need laptops to overcome those situation and modems to make nodes in Sarajevo; they are running out of fax paper over there.

8 April

Most of the day I have spend to send faxes around to Croatian press agencies about the 10th of April, there are many people who like to declare that day to a national day. On that day in the Second World War, the Nazi declared the republic of Croatia independent. Most Croats however react a little more sensitive, it is not so nice to be reminded on the Nazis, who killed a lot of the Jewish population in this area. The day before a left the German government declared that neo-Nazis has been fighting in the Croatian special forces during the last months, together with a national day on the 10th of April, the total economical crisis, this HOS soldiers, the total devotion for some of the army leader, you have all the things you need to make a fascistic cocktail.

During this work I was establish contact with faxes in Croatian, during one of this connections the connection broke and couldn't be re-established, later that day I heard that the press agency was bombed out the moment that I was calling there and some people were killed in that office.

Later that day new news from Sarajevo came in and in trance, I have been typing the news what people translated from Croatian, how many people were killed, fighting in the streets, medicines and food needed, etc. Later that evening I really flipped out, just at the moment that I thought this is enough I like to go to bed and dream from other things, Ecotopia i.e. on a nice Adriatic island, an alarming fax came in, over 1000 people were brutally killed in a small village near Sarajevo (by hanging, cutting their necks, etc.). Moreover, people around me started to discuss if that message was real or not. After putting it on the net I had to get out, I feel so hopeless here, they only thing what I am doing is standing in the way for those people who work here, and the thing I can do is typing texts into a stupid computer, and nearly 300 kilometre from me lots of people are killed.

Afterwards we went drinking, for the time being I want to stay here, I don't there to go and leave those people alone, back to the civilized world, what civilized world, the riffles which are killing here are Israeli, Russian, Belgian, American, French, who is civilized. Those bloody Blue Berets stay in the caserns they are not allowed to go out as long as the fighting’s go on.

Europe, World, how for the hell is this possible? How it is possible that the world keeps on turning like nothing is happening here?

Please whenever you see possibilities to help the people around here in any way, let me know.

See you tomorrow